As I laid in bed last night, I wondered if I would ever feel the way I assume other Mom's feel. It took me back to when I was 16. I couldn't wait till I turned 18, I knew that people would treat my differently because I would then be categorized as an adult.
18 came and went and I thought to myself '21 MUST be the age, where I feel the change'.
21 came and went and so on and so on.
Now as I see myself at a whopping 29, getting ready to start my 30's journey, I wonder how people see me. Do they see me as I feel? Do they know that I often wake up and wonder how I got to this place in my life? What happened to my college years? My bar hopping years? How did that time fly by so quickly and leave me here in my mothering years?
Do they know that I often don't feel like a mother? That I look over to my husband on the couch and not feel like a wife? When do I get what I can only assume others have?
I know that I'm the best at getting and keeping my babies on a schedule. I am pretty sure I am the only one that can clean our cloth diapers. I am certain I am the only one that produces the mommy milk. I soothe their worries and their scrapes better than anyone. They know me as the best mom ever.
When do I get to know it, to actually feel it?
18 came and went and I thought to myself '21 MUST be the age, where I feel the change'.
21 came and went and so on and so on.
Now as I see myself at a whopping 29, getting ready to start my 30's journey, I wonder how people see me. Do they see me as I feel? Do they know that I often wake up and wonder how I got to this place in my life? What happened to my college years? My bar hopping years? How did that time fly by so quickly and leave me here in my mothering years?
Do they know that I often don't feel like a mother? That I look over to my husband on the couch and not feel like a wife? When do I get what I can only assume others have?
I know that I'm the best at getting and keeping my babies on a schedule. I am pretty sure I am the only one that can clean our cloth diapers. I am certain I am the only one that produces the mommy milk. I soothe their worries and their scrapes better than anyone. They know me as the best mom ever.
When do I get to know it, to actually feel it?
5 comments:
Great post Momma! Makes me what to rethink my actions so people can see the real me.
Being a Mom is hard especially because we are going to fail and failing sucks! I also think that as an attachment parenting mom we tend to be a bit harder on ourselves. I often times feel like I am giving and loving my baby so much that she ought to be the sweetest most well behaved 1yr old out there but shes not! And so a lot of times her actions (which are just her personality not mine) make me doubt that I am good mom. Hang in there. I think wanting to be a better mom only means that you ARE a great mom!
I read an awesome book, about Women First, Wife Second, Family always. And that is my new motto.
That is a really great post. I find myself thinking the same things and have most of my life. Almost like I'm missing something... but I'm not sure quite what it is.
That is a really great post. I find myself thinking the same things and have most of my life. Almost like I'm missing something... but I'm not sure quite what it is.
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