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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Zealand turns 2!

A quick play by play.....
The day I found out I was pregnant with Zealand I got nauseous.
I stopped at the CVS on the way home from work.
Christian was eating dinner when I got home.
I went straight to the bathroom and took the test.
Two bright pink lines showed up before I even had my drawers pulled back up.
I ran out to show Christian the test.
He said "Take another."
He asked if I was hungry, as he pushed his plate away from himself, he had lost his appetite.
(Now grant it we WERE trying, I think he thought it would take longer!)

Not, the exact reaction I was going for from him
but not quite the reaction I thought from me either!

I had a pretty decent pregnancy, only gained about 25 pounds. I worked all the way till my blood pressure almost popped, that and my swollen cankles. I read every book on what I needed, what I didn't need (which turns out to be just about everything) how to discipline, how to use distraction methods, how to breastfeed, how to cloth diaper. I read books on swaddling, swaying, soothing and shushing.
(even books on shitting)
There was NO book in the world that would have made me understand, yet alone believe, how incredibly much I would love this boy. He fills my heart to capacity. Everything he does makes me so proud that I exist. I pray that I can help mold him into the best that he can be. I pray that I am doing right by him. Can I make him proud of me? Even more can I make him proud of himself? I want to be a better me, I want the earth to be a better earth.
I know that I cannot be perfect and that I cannot be everything he may want me to be. But I know that I can be his friend, his confidant, his consoler and even when he doesn't want me to be those things, I will ALWAYS be his Mommy.
(And I cannot think of a better thing to be)
Happy Birthday Zealand
(10/22/09)

4 comments:

Bobbi Janay @When did I go from a kid to a grown up? said...

Happy Birthday Z! Casey also had a similar reaction he actually made me go buy a second test.

Xenia said...

Such a sweet post! When Zealand grows up he's going to look back and read this and be even more glad to have such a wonderful mommy!

Pamela said...

Happy birthday, baby!

BabeeLove said...

Happy Birthday Zealand! You will be great in raising him and he will turn out GREAT! Just have fun and be patient :)